Adult children of alcoholics

by Nancy Gardner | Nov 9, 2018 | Uncategorized

                                                                      Adult Children of Alcoholics

Many persons who grew up in a family where someone was addicted to alcohol grow up to develop specific personality characteristics and do not realize that they are exhibiting symptoms as an adult, of having grown up in such an environment. Not only does the person who is addicted to alcohol suffer, but all people that the person is involved with (employers, children, spouse, friends, family) are impacted as well by the effects of alcohol. Those that are closest to the person using alcohol are usually impacted the most.
The following characteristics are common in adult children of alcoholics: (1)
1. Adult children of Alcoholics guess at what is normal: adult children of alcoholics have no experience with what is normal since they did not grow up in a normal household (1). They often guess at what is appropriate. An adult child of an alcoholic also has no frame of reference for what is okay to say or feel.

2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end: In an alcoholic home, there are a lot of promises that are not kept. There are many projects that are started that never get completed in an alcoholic’s home, for example, painting the living room, cleaning the garage, fixing things) and therefore, no one is there to assist the child when he/she has a good idea and to guide them through to completion.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth: lying is basic to a family system effected by alcohol. Lying covers up unpleasant realities, broken promises and inconsistencies. “The first and most basic lie is the family’s denial of the problem” (1). Other lies occur when one of more family members cover up for the alcoholic, for example, making excuses why the alcoholic is not at work, or able to attend a dinner with his/her in-laws.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy: as a child, they often never felt good enough. Adult children of alcoholics are usually very hard on themselves and judge themselves negatively.

5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun: they never had a “normal” childhood that involves being care free. Their childhood is much more serious and as a result, they often do not know how to truly have fun and enjoy themselves.

6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously: Both #5 and this characteristic often go together. When you don’t know how to have fun, or haven’t experienced how to truly have fun, you are generally a very serious person and you take yourself seriously. You are often not spontaneous. The spontaneous child within you was squashed in your home due to the problems associated with alcoholism.

7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships: adult children of alcoholics, like everyone else, longs to have normal intimate relationships. However, they grew up on a home that offered no frame of reference for what a healthy relationship looks like or how it works. Its common for the adult child of an alcoholic to have a tall wall built around themselves that makes them very guarded and resistant to trusting others.

8. Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes over which they have no control: This begins because the young child in an alcoholic home has no control. In order to survive, he/she begins to take charge of as many things as he/she can in his/her environment. The child of an alcoholic learns to trust only him/herself. People may see you as rigid and controlling. But you are not being that way to “get your way”. You have fear that when things happen that you cannot control, you may lose control of your life. Fear underlies this behavior.

9. Adult children of alcoholics seek approval and affirmation: adult children of alcoholics have a hard time with their self-esteem. They want others to validate them and often do not know how to validate their thoughts, actions, feeling and behaviors. They do not know how to believe or confirm that they are valuable, so they frequently seek approval and affirmations from others.

10. Adult children of alcoholics feel that they are different from other people: other children had plenty of opportunities to be children, you often did not. You could not be completely comfortable. Your concerns about your home, parent (s), etc. clouded your childhood. You felt different and often carry this into adulthood, where you continue to feel different from others, like you don’t quite “fit in”.

11. Adult children of alcoholics are either super responsible or super irresponsible: “you take it all on or you give it all up” (1). You don’t have a realistic sense of your abilities. You will often see in families of alcoholics, that one sibling may be an “over-achiever” and another sibling may be constantly unemployed and even using drugs or alcohol him or herself.

12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is underserved: this loyalty is often based on fear and insecurity. Many persons continue to have friendships, relationships or marriages that are toxic to them, yet they continue to stay and rationalize the behavior (s) of those persons that are toxic to them.

13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess: No serious consideration is given when making a decision in regard to possible outcomes. The adult child of an alcoholic makes many major decisions without thinking about what those decisions might mean.

Perhaps you have noticed one or more of these characteristics in yourself and you have grown up in an alcoholic environment. Persons often seek mental health treatment from a counselor, therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist to assist them with overcoming the lasting effects of growing up in an alcoholic home.

REFERENCES
Geringer Woititz, J. (1983) Adult Children of Alcoholics. Health Communications, Inc.

Effects of Alcoholism in the Family

by Nancy Gardner | Nov 9, 2018 | Uncategorized

                                                           The Effects of Alcoholism on Family Members

Alcoholism is responsible for more family problems than any other single cause. (1). Each family member is affected by alcoholism. A fetus can be born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome if the pregnant woman uses alcohol while pregnant. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is associated with a baby being born who is shorter, underweight and has a deformed brain, skull and/or face. As the child grows, he/she can have difficulty learning, problem solving, have a short attention span, use poor judgement and are often hyperactive and angry. Children impacted by alcoholism may wet the bed, cry frequently and/or be afraid to go to school. They may have low self-esteem, feel lonely, have feelings of guilt or helplessness, have chronic depression and feelings of abandonment. (1). They may become perfectionists, be excessively self-conscious, develop phobias or engage in hoarding. (2).   Often, family members of an alcoholic family “take on” certain roles in the family as a way of dealing with the alcoholism. A child, adolescent or adult can experience different roles in their lifetime.
Common Alcoholic Family Roles
Alcoholic: the one in the family with the addiction.
Enabler: the one in the family who helps the addiction continue (may purchase alcohol and bring it home or call the alcoholic’s boss to make excuses for him/her to miss work.
Hero: usually the oldest child, who often becomes the enabler when the enabler is not available. This person is often performance oriented and an unrealistically high achiever.
Scapegoat: the one who identifies most with the alcoholic. This person often expresses his/her is most likely to repeat the alcoholic parents’ pattern of using.
Clown: this one uses humor as a defense mechanism to lesson conflict. This one will try and
Lost Child: this is sometimes the youngest and quietest child. This one if frequently left alone during conflict and often grows up feeling empty. (3).
Because an alcoholic home environment “is characterized by chaos, unpredictability, hostility, fear and loneliness” 4, children from these homes grow up to be “Adult Children of Alcoholics” who share common traits and symptoms from having grown up in this type of family.

Please see continuing article, “Adult Children of Alcoholics”.

Many persons who grow up in a home where there is addiction, seek mental health treatment from a counselor, therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist to help them overcome the effects of addiction.

REFERENCES
Berger, G. (1993). Alcoholism and the family. New York, Franklin Watts.
Silverstein, H. (1994). Alcoholism. New York, Franklin Watts.
Woititz, J. G. (1983). Adult Children of Alcoholics. The Awareness Center.
https;//www.recoveryconnection.com/bottle-family-alcoholic-families-alcohol-rehav/

Alcoholism

by Nancy Gardner | Nov 9, 2018 | Uncategorized

                                                              Understanding Alcoholism in the Family

Pamela’s father drinks alcohol. In fact, he drinks alcohol a lot and drinks alcohol regularly. Although he goes to work every day, he drinks alcohol everyday as well.
Scott’s mother was a stay at home mom. Things are good with Scott’s mother except for the times when she starts drinking. Almost like clockwork, Scott’s mother starts drinking on a Friday once a month. She continues drinking throughout the entire weekend, alternating between drinking and being passed out. She even neglects eating.
Persons who grow up in an alcoholic family have common symptoms and behaviors as a result of growing up in this type of home.
What is an Alcoholic Family?
Put simply, the alcoholic family is a family in which the disease of alcoholism has affected the way the family system operates. The influence of the disease invades all aspects of family life and the family operates in a way that is basically unhealthy. (1).

There are 4 Types of Alcoholic Families
Type 1: in this family, there is active alcoholism in every generation. Parents, children, grandparents and great grandparents often regularly use alcohol.
Type 2: In the nuclear family (parents, kids), the alcoholic has stopped drinking, however, the family system still operates as if alcoholism is still active (often associated with the term—dry drunk). Alcoholism is still active in earlier generations though, like in grandparents, etc.
Type 3: Active drinking has been removed from the family for 1 or more generations. For example, parents may drink only socially, say 3 times a year even though a grandparent or great grandparent was an alcoholic.
Type 4: This is a non-alcoholic family, but 1 member becomes an alcoholic. For example, there is no alcoholism in a parent, grandparent or great grandparent, but a member of the nuclear family begins drinking and becomes an alcoholic. 1

Alcoholism affects every family member. For more information about the effects of alcohol on the family, please refer to the continuing article of “The Effects of Alcoholism on Family Members”.

Many persons who have experienced addiction themselves or in others, seek mental health treatment from a counselor, therapist, psychologist of psychiatrist to assist them in coping with and overcoming the effects of addiction.

REFERENCES
Kristberg, W. (1985). The Adult Children of Alcoholic’s Syndrome: A step-by-step guide to discovery and recovery. Bantam Books.